(You've Got to Smile) Canaanites Deny Being Forebears Of Palestinians

...Erekat was unavailable for comment, said a spokesman, as he was busy writing an article claiming that the Palestinians were already in the Levant when Homo Sapiens moved out of Africa.

Canaanites lining up to
refute Palestinian assertions.

PreOccupied Territory..
17 February '14..

Hatzor, Israel, February 17 – After several prominent Palestinians asserted that they were descended from the ancient Canaanites, leaders of the Canaanite city-states emphatically ruled out the notion that their descendants were modern-day Palestinians.

Amirapu I of Ugarit and Yavin of Hatzor held a joint press conference this afternoon, at which they repeatedly denied any ethnic connection to Palestinians, and called on Palestinian parliament member and peace negotiator Saeb Erekat to cease claiming that his ancestors preceded the arrival of the Hebrews.

“We realize that Mr. Erekat and his ilk do not put much stock in archaeology or history, which, to put it mildly, do not support his contentions,” they wrote in a statement issued to reporters at the conference. “However, it is our hope that as eyewitnesses to that ancient history, we can put an end to his nonsense once and for all.” They noted that in recent days Mr. Erekat contradicted his earlier statements to Westerners in Munich, proudly proclaiming his Jordanian Bedouin ancestry.

(Continue)

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Sultan Knish - Outraged Protest Tours - The Tourism Package for Leftists Who Hate Israel

Daniel Greenfield
Sultan Knish
19 July '11

http://sultanknish.blogspot.com/2011/07/outraged-protest-tours-israel-tourism.html


The Gaza flotilla and the flytilla may have been failures, but they were also missed opportunities for Israel. It's no secret that a portion of Israel's tourist trade comes from "Protest Tourism." From philosophy students and poetry PhD's who want a chance to visit the Holy Land, throw some rocks at a soldier and have their pictures taken with AK-47 wielding terrorists. And it's time that the Israeli tourist industry took their business seriously.

Rather than profiling them and giving them the heave ho at the airport, why not develop special tourism packages catering to their needs. Happily one company, Outraged Protest Tours is already on it.

By the first quarter of 2012, Outraged Protest Tours expects to be able to offer angry entitled brats a choice of three tour packages in Israel.


1. The Rachel Corrie

You're angry at your parents. You're angry at the world. You're still angry at Bush. One time you saw a PBS documentary on Gaza and you said, "Man, are those people angry. But in a really deep and spiritual way."

Pack your hemp sandals, your 259 dollar sunglasses and get ready to fill your Flickr account with photos of underprivileged children.

Take off from San Francisco International Airport in a remodeled Tupolev Tu-114 aircraft that smells like gasoline and cow manure. As your body tries to decide whether it should pass out from the fumes or throw up from the turbulence, you will relish knowing that you have left behind your comfortable life and are experiencing the agony of being in the Third World. Your ticket price of 3000 dollars will be a small price to pay for the insights from this experience that you will be able to share on Tumblr.

You land at Ben Gurion airport, after three hours going through customs, where you will be encouraged to yell "Power to the People" slogans at officials who will pretend not to understand what you are saying. If you cannot think of any slogans to yell, a booklet of slogans handwritten by a committee that includes Noam Chomsky, Tony Kushner and Norman Finkelstein (19.95) will be provided for you.

Accommodations will be provided inside a half-collapsed house with an Israeli bulldozer outside. With six to a room, your job will be to prevent the bulldozer from knocking over the house. At unpredictable times during the night, the bulldozer will start up, and then you will be expected to run out of the house, screaming and waving your hands, while shouting political slogans at it. The bulldozer will then usually stop. If it does not, you will be expected to lie in the mud while contemplating the geopolitics of the whole thing. If anyone asks you to leave and go to a bar with them for a pint because the world is ending, you will know this to be a trick. As bars are against Islam.

A Terrorist's Guide to Improving Israel's Media Coverage

Daniel Greenfield
Sultan Knish
23 June '10


When you're in a competition and you're losing, one of the first thing to do is to study what your opponent is doing and copy him. In this case Israel is competing for good media coverage with the terrorists. And the terrorists are winning. And if the media likes them so much, maybe it's time to start doing what they do.

1. Get Good Media Coverage By Excluding Bad Media Coverage

Say that two movies will be coming out next week. One of those movies has studio which bans all critics who have spoken unfavorably about it from seeing it. The other movie welcomes all reviewers. When the final numbers are tallied, which movie do you think will have the best reviews? The one that didn't screen the movie for any critics who were not favorably disposed toward it. Sure the other movie might claim that its favorable reviews were honest. And that and a dime will buy you a cup of coffee.

Now say that these two studios keep doing this for 10 years, and that they're the only game in town. Eventually just to be able to do their jobs, critics will almost always positively review movies from the studio that bars critics, and almost always negatively review the movies from the other studio to stay on the good side of the first studio. That is because selecting for optimal results will produce them.

Free societies "screen" for all critics. Totalitarian ones only play to supportive audiences. That is why they get the better publicity than free societies. Journalistic integrity is supposed to make up the difference by telling the truth to the public. When it doesn't, then the journalists are functioning willingly as tools of totalitarian regimes. And maybe it's time to give them the boot.

If Israel wants the same supportive coverage that Fatah and Hamas get, it needs to play by their rules. Press credentials would then go to those who provide positive coverage. Those reporters who want to take pictures of wall graffiti and stage photos of Muslim children throwing stones at Israeli tanks need not apply. If the New York Times or NBC News can't find anyone willing to play by those rules, the way they do in Gaza and Ramallah, then they can stay home and they won't be able to do their jobs.

The mainstream media will be outraged, you say. There will be even more negative coverage. As if there isn't heaps of it now. And what will the negative media coverage be of? Reporters forced to stay home. Foreign correspondents who have to cover an election in Hungary, instead of eating caviar in a Jerusalem hotel and writing vicious articles about Jewish Middle Eastern refugees living in East Jerusalem. Haaretz reporters will have to move to London to write biting columns in the Guardian about how racist the country they used to live in, is. Before they move on to the inevitable theater reviews and finally begin writing ad copy for insurance agencies. Oh the pathos, the pity. No one will care.

(Read full article)

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Israel breathes; world condemnation instantaneous

Andrew Pessin
American Thinker
18 June '10

Satire

Israel breathed this morning. There was a quick intake of air, and then a gentle exhalation.

World condemnation was instantaneous.

P.A. President Abbas decried the Israeli attempt to commandeer the Middle East air supply, and demanded a prompt return to the 1967 air distribution which Palestinian leaders had previously violently rejected. Iranian President Ahmadinejad interrupted his weekly call for the destruction of Israel in order to blast the Zionist entity for its blatant oxygen grab and call for its immediate destruction.

Egyptian newspapers detailed the malicious Mossad plot to exhale germs into the air and then spread the poisoned air via high-tech windmills directly into the lungs of Muslim children. Exiled Hamas leader Khaled Meshal announced that in response to the Israeli aggression, Hamas would not let the Red Cross visit captured soldier Gilad Schalit. When it was pointed out that they hadn't allowed such visits in the four years prior to Israel's action, he snorted, "And now you see why!"

Turkey announced it would be withdrawing its ambassador, only to retract that announcement in slight embarrassment when it realized it had already withdrawn him last week, in response to some other Israeli outrage it could no longer quite recall. The United Nations General Assembly, after meeting for an all-night emergency session, called for another all-night emergency session. And the Security Council demanded an immediate impartial investigation, only to backtrack when it was informed that all its available staff were already tied up in ongoing impartial investigations of other Israeli actions.

(Read full piece)

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