Haaretz' coverage of the events in Shushan (Josh Lipsitz)

Elder of Ziyon
18 March '11

I received a spoof edition of Haaretz PDF credited to Josh Lipsitz. Here are some of the stories:


Haaretz Interview: Haman "the wicked" –Up Close and Personal

Sitting with a relaxed Haman and sipping cappuccino in his balcony with its stunning view of the Persian kingdom I found myself wondering how this kind, engaging man received such a bad rap from so many other journalists. Over that long afternoon, I felt we formed a special bond.

Little did I know that this would, tragically, be Haman's last interview.

Haaretz: Haman, I hope I am not being presumptuous but I heard a rumor that you occasionally enjoy reading Haaretz.

Haman: Occasionally—that is not true! I read Haaretz every day! It is a great paper. The writing is crisp and engaging. The editorials are thoughtful and provocative. Your view of Mordechai and Esther is balanced and fair – not like those other Jewish papers. I draw liberally from Haaretz when I need to make my case against the Jews. I really don't know where I would be without you.

Haaretz: Wow. That comes as something of a surprise coming from a person who is usually thought of as a "hater of Jews."

Haman: (laughter) Ah yes, I expected that to come up at some point. The Jewish lobby is very powerful here in Persia and you can't talk about certain things without being pulled out on the daybed so to speak.

The truth is that I have no special hatred for Jews. I hate some Jews just as I hate some non-Jews. The arithmetic is not really important. You see I sit with you and drink coffee even though you are Jewish.

Haaretz: And you do have a beautiful place here and I feel like we can really connect. It's a shame that the Mordechai and Esther never took the time to establish this kind of dialogue with you.

Haman: I try to ignore these things and focus on initiatives that can bring positive change for Persia and stability to the Middle East.

Haaretz: The decree to kill all the Jews of Persia on the 14th of Adar. Please forgive me asking, but many have said that this is a little extreme.

Haman: Yes, well there has been a great deal of misinformation. The truth is that I was simply looking for a leisure activity for the good citizens of Persia. You see they have been very frustrated since Simon Cowell left American Idol. They need some outlet for their sadistic feelings. We all have needs you know. It was not that I had meant anything personally against the Jews. They were simply in the right place at the right time.

Haaretz: So you deny that there was something personal against Mordechai for failing to bow?

Haman: (laughing). Oh - so much has been made of that little incident by the Jewish lobbyists and by Fox News. The truth is that I barely notice whether people are bowing or not. My wife
Zeresh was more offended than I and she was offended on behalf of the honor of the King and the people of Persia. I am merely a public servant.

Haaretz: Do you think there is hope for peace with Mordechai and the Jewish fanatics?

Haman: I pray that soon when we think of the Jews we will think not just of peace but of many, many pieces.

(Read full "Haaretz' coverage of the events in Shushan")

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