10 Reasons Why Syrians are a Happy People

reformsyria.org
November 21, 2009
Mohammad al-Gareeb (Pseudo - 23-year old Syrian student - Translated)

Reason No. 10 - We are a happy people because weather forecasters in Syria brighten our mood by announcing a spring-like conditions in all seasons of the year. They collude to use weather forecasts, which, unbeknownst to them, do oscillate sometimes, to lift our spirits and humor us.

Reason No. 9 - We are a happy people because the average salary of an employee is such that he is never at a loss of how to spend it. In fact, the salary spends itself in the first five days of the month allowing its owner to sleep well at night not fearful of thieves who could rob him or to tire himself by thinking of ways to spend the excess.

Reason No. 8 - We are a happy people because the privacy of a toilet is the only place where we can express a democratic opinion freely, not fearful of someone listening (even those closest to us) thus suspecting, G*d forbids, they are informers. Lately, our happiness has been on the rise because the private sector in Syria has built public toilets on various streets of Damascus, which, for the first time, allows us to freely express our opinion publicly.

Reason No. 7 - We are a happy people because the Parliamentary elections, besides contributing to the national economy by employing script designers and coffee busboys, also provide the Syrian citizen with an additional income in the form of a bribe paid by the candidate for his/her vote. All the while, the economic conditions are conducive for the voter to kindly accept, or purposefully seek, the bribe. Also, we are a happy people because the elections represent a chance for the candidates to enter communal restaurants they would avoid like the pest outside election time.

Reason No. 6 - We are a happy people because the Syrian newspapers finds it as its duty to save the Syrian citizen the price of purchase, so it publishes the same stories routinely, over and over. A Syrian citizen can go for a week or a month not buying the newspaper and he would not miss any Syrian news.

Reason No. 5 - We are a happy people because Syrian television news programming produced a song entitled: "I am Syrian, Oh how lucky I am" (Ana Souri, Ahh ya Nyalli!!) and introduced it as part of the daily news.

Reason No. 4 - We are a happy people because our political parties never have any disputes or contradict each other as a result of sharing the same opinion. All of the Syrian Members of Parliament, representing the different political parties partaking the same ideology, consistently vote by raising all their hands simultaneously and lower them simultaneously as well.

Reason No. 3 - We are a happy people because our government officials have become heroes like the destructive Hulago Khan (Destroyed Baghdad in 1258), resistant like Salah Din Al-Ayoubi, and invading like Sakr Qureish (Syrian TV series glorifying Islamization of Spain). The people see these officials humbly walk amongst them and driving their big expensive cars, which render them even more heroic than the traditional heroes, something Syrians are so proud of.

Reason No. 2 - We are a happy people because our officials shelter the Syrian people from outside evil and secure us with indoctrination while their sons stimulate the Syrian economy in our absence.

Reason No. 1 - We are a happy people because we are forced to be happy. If not, we will all die from strokes and heart attacks given what goes around us and the lives we lead.
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