Parenting: Join me

A group of religious women, many from settlements, have developed a new approach to child rearing that has high expectations from kids.


Matthew Wagner
In The Spotlight/JPost
12 February '10

A mother of five was having trouble with one of her children. “My kids help clean up every day after lunch,” said A, whose story appears on the Internet site of Merkaz Shefer, a women’s forum that has developed a new approach to child rearing.

“Someone sweeps the floor, someone clears and wipes the table.

“The difficult job is washing dishes. For a while, one of my children – the five-year-old – refused to do it. I tried everything. I got angry, I threatened, I punished, but no matter what I did nothing worked.

“But after taking part in Merkaz Shefer’s parent guidance course, I learned that deep down every child really wants to cooperate around the house. I just needed to be convinced that there was nothing my children wanted more than to help out.

“When I made the switch in outlook – without punishment, prizes, unnecessary talk – things changed.

“Now my five-year-old usually washes the dishes. Occasionally, when he doesn’t want to, I wash dishes – not because I caved in to him but because I want clean dishes.

“Sometimes I invite my smallest child – the two-year-old – to wash dishes with me and then – surprise – my five-year-old shows up and wants to join in as well.”

Merkaz Shefer, established this summer, is a group of about 70 women, the vast majority religious, who have articulated a new approach to child rearing. Using a philosophy based on the psychological theories of Alfred Adler and borrowing from traditional Jewish sources, they aim to fight what they see as a worrisome trend in the Western world that is producing spoiled, maladjusted children who are unable to cope with the challenges of being adults.

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